Filling the Abysmal Null

Filling the Abysmal Null

The more she sees the world, the deeper it cuts from within. It is like the more you will acknowledge everything around, the more it consumes you and the only thing that is left is a loose thread of hope, that maybe, just maybe the world will not only stare at the darkness as it swallows you like a hungry predator. But then, the world just stared and cut the only source that is remaining to keep her alive. That is when she realized she have fallen into a dark pit where uncertainty lies beneath.

Alone. Unheard. Helpless. Suicidal. And all of the other things someone would feel if the only friend that's left suddenly vanished together with the darkness. She can no longer see herself as useless, ugly, not good enough, weak, and all the other wicked words used to describe someone who does not even know how to look straightly into her own eyes. The light is no where to be found, even a streak of it is now gone, there is no way she could see herself but why does it seems like she, too, is nowhere to be found? It seems like all the things she hates about herself dragged her into this unknown dungeon. Nothing seems ugly in this darkness nor beautiful, it is just pure nothingness.

She tried to touch her ugly and distorted face that she learned to hate when she let the world rule over her but she could not seem to feel it anymore. She fell into this kind of emptiness because of other people's unmindful and shattering words.But there was no one who can make her feel obliged to hate herself but only her. It is only her who chose to fell inside her own pit of darkness, who blamed everyone for making her feel empty when in fact, she is the only one liable to decide what life she should live. She was the one who looked at herself lesser than anything in this world.

She was at the bottom when she tried to reach and seek out for a streak of light. She weeped when the darkness let her witness all the things she should have loved. And in the midst of the emptiness she is struggling with, someone held her hand. It radiated like a blinding light. It was as if it helped her to see clearer; the things she have not seen for so long, the beauty of being able to fell into an abysmal nothingness. And as the light grew bigger, this abysmal null she fell into arises and everything was filled.

Sometimes it is in darkness that we actually see things clearly.